Well last night was a waste of my time. Did I do a job? Of course, did it pay off? Not really. I knew it wouldn’t be a big score because it was low key but I guess I was hoping the rush would make up for it, it didn’t. My gang are so fucking stupid that they almost got themselves arrested and muggings here had to go rescue them. It wouldn’t be so bad if this wasn’t a common occurrence. The only reason I keep them is because they’re like pets, they amuse me and also if I think something’s too risky I send them in first and see what happens. I figure if they don’t get caught then I’ll be fine, I mean anyone that stupid that gets away with it is pretty handy to have around sometimes.

            The only reason they didn’t get arrested was because I knew one of the filth and he took pity on me. This member of the filth isn’t partial to straying to the dark side, hence how I know him well enough to offer him a blow job in exchange for our freedom. We’ll call him Montana, he’s a hot piece of man and in the past has been undercover in my neck of the woods. I probably shouldn’t say too much about him but at the end of the day, fuck it. Not like he can kill me, someone else wants to do that first and anyway he loves me. Don’t ask me why, I couldn’t tell you. It’s certainly not because of my sparkling personality. I met Montana years ago when I first started out in this city, I was making a name for myself and he was trying to bring down my partner at the time. We aren’t partners anymore, he doesn’t like me much. Apparently grassing him up to save my own skin pissed him off. Any one would think there was some kind of honour and integrity amongst thieves.

            My world and the people I surround myself with are the kind of people that society hides away from, bad to the very core and with very little compassion for others. I choose to live that way, at least in this world I know who I can trust, no-one. In your vanilla world, you think you can trust people and you get hurt. Sure maybe there’s a few out there that are good and won’t fuck you over but sweetheart, somewhere along the line, they will. I’m not a pessimist, I’m realistic. I know what that everything I do has consequences but I choose to ignore them.

            I suppose you might like to know what I’ve done, well when I was younger I got arrested for arson, stealing cars, burglary, assault, assault with a deadly weapon and possession of a class A drug with the intent to supply and attempted murder. Most of those I got left off for and obviously some of them meant I ended up in jail. I usually got out early on good behaviour. Once I got older and wiser and learnt how not to get caught. Mostly these days I get my money from running an illegal bookies and loan company, broken kneecaps included. I tend to stay away from the drug scene, its too hot and too competitive, not that I couldn’t come out on top, it’s just a lot of effort. I deal with a lot of industry break ins and insurance scams. I dabble in fraud, mostly so I don’t have to spend my own money. I have killed people and I have no doubt that at some point I will kill again. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some sadistic serial killer, I don’t kill for pleasure. In the past I killed because I had to, it was a me or them situation. I’d love to say I felt guilty about it, mostly because I’m sure that’s what you want to hear but I don’t, they deserved what they got because they weren’t nice people. I’m not a nice person either and so yes I do deserve what I have coming and if it makes you feel any better it really wont be a pretty ending for me.

            The Man that wants to kill me is one sadistic motherfucker, he does kill for pleasure and I would say he enjoys it more then sex. I’ve seen his sex face and I’ve seen his murder face, there’s no difference. I admit that I deserve to die but I’d give anything for it not to be him watching as I take my last breath and seeing the light fade from my eyes. He is not the person I want to see while I lay dying. If I could kill him first I would but I know that although I could take down anyone out there, he’s always one step ahead of me. He knows how my mind works and he uses it to his advantage. It’s almost like a game of cat and mouse to him and I know he just loves playing it.

            Well Montana is here to get his reward, so I’ll have to love you and leave you.