Bless me father for I have sinned. It has been nearly two weeks since my last confession; I have been a very naughty girl. These are my sins; I used the name of God in anger, surprise and ecstasy. I had three fights in the past two days, I won but I swore a little in the process. Please lord forgive me for my sins. Ha! Almost made it sound believable.

            Have you ever woken up and it felt like today would be the day you were going to die? I did, one week ago mostly because I woke up to a man pointing a gun at my head. I should have been scared but in all honesty it wasn’t the first time. I’d squished all my fear down and put on my best bravado act. I’d given a mouthful of abuse, gotten dragged out of my bed, forced to get dressed and escorted down to an old warehouse. I’d been here before too many times. It was where the man that wanted me dead worked from, his front for his criminal dealings. The legal business where the dirt got cleaned away.

            I feel like I haven’t explained everything and I probably never will, gotta keep some things secret. I may have exaggerated the extremity of the man that wants to kill me. This man Monroe by all means does want me dead and he definitely wants to be the one that causes it but it’s just a number on his long list of vendettas. I know I may well have a good few years before my numbers up but it was still daunting to be sitting in front of him. If I had been a guy my balls would have retreated up inside my body. So what was I doing here? The idiot G had told me I had to get back in with Monroe and I really didn’t want to play that game. Unfortunately I had to and this was all part of the plan. I’d put word about that I was planning a big job and I was looking for the right people to pull it off. I knew the whispers would get to Monroe and it would be too big an offer for him to refuse. He would eventually drag me back into his world and it would begin. That’s exactly what he did, you see he may hate me and he may want me dead but he knew I was good at what I did, and he also wanted me back on his cock. You thought my morals were bad, this guy doesn’t have any.

            So I sat in front of him refusing to let him in on my plan, claiming that I had no need for him. He smiled his charming smile and offered me a drink, as I took it he kissed my hand and for a moment I almost remembered years of repressed memories. I forced them away and smiled back. He was still as charming as ever, it was weird and unnerving that someone as evil as him could easily charm the birds from the trees without even breaking a sweat. It made me feel sick to feel his lips linger on my hand, almost as if his evil was seeping through my skin and chilling me to the very core. Dramatic, huh? Darlin’ my descriptions are only half way near what it was really like. There isn’t a bad enough word out there to describe him, nothing could ever come close. I mean Christ, how do you describe the devil?

            It took him until I’d finished my drink to have supposedly made me change my mind. Over another drink I had explained exactly what I wanted to do and in specific detail told him everything I needed to do it. It took him one more drink and a very hidden uncomfortable silence to inform me that he wanted in, how much cut he wanted and who he thought we should get involved too. I laughed at him and told him the under no uncertain circumstances would he get to muscle in on my job, by all means he could be involved but it was limited to his skills and not in his control, at this point the gun was brought back to my head and cocked, this time the smile was not charming, it was sickly and uncompromising. It was my cue to change my mind and let him in as an equal partner. I was temped to tell him where to go but I got the feeling my life would be over before I finished saying ‘fuck you’ and so I smiled sweetly and said ‘of course sweetheart, you can be my partner again and this time I’ll try not to fuck you over.’ It was the fuck you over part that I felt his bitch press the gun harder to my head before Monroe gave him the look and he left, then I got the look that told me I was about to be fucked by an animal.

            Was it worth it? To be fucked like a piece of meat, a puppet for the pure purpose of satisfying his needs? Of course it fucking was, if you’ve never been fucked like that then you haven’t lived and you definitely haven’t experienced the best sex of your life. Think what you want about me, judge me as much as you like but secretly somewhere deep down in a place that you hide and pray never rears its ugly head, you wish that just maybe once you could experience it. Would I ever admit that to him? Hell no, his ego did not need inflating.

                After my rather eventful day the rest of my week was spent pretty much the same way, fucking and planning and spending time in hell then reporting it all to G. Soon my job would go ahead and after its successful Monroe will start to trust me, involve me in his revolting world. This had better work otherwise I’m wasting my time and getting into Montana’s bad books. Monroe and Montana are sworn enemies, what with Montana spending his career hunting Monroe down and just waiting for the chance to haul his ass off to jail. I suppose knowing that there was a pretty high chance I was fucking him probably didn’t make Montana feel any better, it’s not my fault he loves me anyway.

            I’ll try not to leave it so long until my next confessional however my life is way more complicated and exiting then yours and so I don’t get to spend every minute of my life online. I know it’s going to be very hard but try not to miss me too much and if you find yourself thinking about me, just remind yourself that its only because I’m everything you want to be, darlin’ I’m fucking amazing.